Chapter Text
A big round table in a dark room.
What catches the eye first would be the immense amount of food neatly put on the table.
What you'd notice second would be a young man sitting at the table.
Upon closer inspection the man seems to be a bit on the heavier side. Some fat rolls visible on his chin, armits and stomach. The tight tanktop he's wearing is making each and every flaw of his visible for everyone.
A few drops of sweat are visible on his face as the young man seems to inspect each bit of food presented before him.
Heavy, desiring breaths leave his lips.
He seems to fight with his mind for an eternity before he slowly reaches out to the food.
Fear but also desire show in his eyes.
Then, after wandering around the food, his hand found the first victim.
A chocolate bar.
As the chocolate bar slowly gets closer to his mouth, his hand seemingly not belonging to his body anymore, the fear in his eyes more and more got replaced by desire.
Unbearable desire.
The man takes a bite.
A short wave of satisfaction overcoming him.
He couldn't help but start drooling.
The bit of satisfaction he got wasn't enough, he immediately goes for another bite.
Then another.
And another.
Very soon after a majority of the food is gone.
The man's stomach seems close to bursting.
Guilt and anxiety is finally setting in.
Tears are starting to fall on his food soiled hands and little sobs are starting to leave his pig-like mouth.
He can't stop yet.
By now each bite he took hardly made it to his stomach without first coming up again.
He swallows hard.
He can't waste any of the food.
He needs all of it in his stomach.
With a painful cough some barely chewed food comes back up landing on the table, not yet eaten food, his hands and clothes.
The taste of stomach acid and all kind of flavours almost makes him vomit again.
His with food and vomit covered hands now cover his mouth as he can't control his sobs anymore.
He doesn't seem to care about the mess on and around him.
The guilt eating him up to the point he just wants to scream.
And yet he still doesn't feel satisfied.
He's about to reach for even more food as he suddenly hears a far away voice.
He can't quite make out who the voice belongs to or what the voice is saying.
Fear fills his eyes.
He can't let anyone see him like this.
Panic-struck he tries to figure out where the voice is coming from.
"-lix"
The voice is calling his name?
Slowly the voice seems more and more familiar.
Which of course doesn't help with the panic the man is feeling.
He can't seem to find the origin of the voice.
The room is filled with darkness.
"Lixie!"
Realisation hit.
It's Changbin.
The thought of Changbin seeing him like this makes the young man gag.
Another wave of food almost escapes his stomach.
"Don't come here... Leave me alone! Please Changbin, please!"
He scream-cried.
His voice shaky from crying and clogged up from all the food.
With shaking hands he tries to fix himself, unsuccessfully.
He suddenly feels a warm touch on his shoulder.
Turning his head he only sees his own fat shoulder.
He's certain that someone is touching him.
Who?
Why can't he see that person?
"Hey! Felix, wake up!"
His eyes fling open.
The ceiling, his fast breathing, tears building up in his eyes and someone touching him still.
He looks up to finally see a hand this time.
The hand belongs to Changbin, who has a slightly worried expression on his face.
Relieved Felix let's his head fall back on the sofa he is laying on.
Just a dream.
He takes a few more deep breaths before looking at the older male again.
"Did you have a bad dream?"
He asks, his head slightly tilted to the right.
The younger one nodded, not daring to speak yet as he might just start crying if he would.
He slowly sits up and thinks about the dream he just had.
He couldn't have gained weight from that right?
Or?
Slightly shaking his head he got up, completely ignoring Changbin.
Like on autopilot he slowly drags himself to the bathroom, locking it behind him.
He undresses and takes a quick look into the mirror.
Panic wells up in him as the person looking back at him looks exactly like him in his dream.
He quickly looks away, his eyes looking at the scale waiting for him.
He pulls the scale closer, exhaling shakingly.
With tightly closed eyes he steps on the scale, which creaked under his weight.
Too scared to open his eyes he waits for a while, taking deep breaths.
He couldn't have gained weight from this dream, could he?
Hesitantly he opens his eyes to look at the number.
It's the same.
Relieved he steps off the scale and puts it back to were it was.
Of course it would've been nice to weigh less than he did this morning, but he'd definitely take maintaining over gaining.
One last look at the mirror.
Fat.
Felix makes a grimace before he puts his clothes back on and leaves the bathroom.
Back in the living room he sits back down on the sofa, where Jisung must've joined Changbin while he was gone.
He notices Changbin mustering him.
Felix gives Changbin a questioning look.
"You good?"
The older asked.
He put on a smile and nodded.
Though it didn't seem like Changbin believed him.
"Did something happen?"
Jisung asks innocently, while not moving his eyes away from the TV.
"Not that I'd know of"
Felix forced a laugh.
"Don't worry Jisungie"
Without waiting for an answer the younger got up, heading to the kitchen where Minho and Seungmin are making dinner for the group.
A wave of laughter and the smell of food hits him as he enters the kitchen.
Seemingly unnoticed he gets himself a glass of water.
While gulping down the refreshing cold water he inspects the food the two are cooking.
Rice, spicy beef, some sauce he couldn't quite identify.
For a moment he thought about how nice this would probably taste, imagining all the flavours.
His face turned into a frown remembering the dream he just had.
What if he won't be able to control himself if he eats this?
He'd rather starve than risk that.
He must've zoned out because as soon as he finally looks up from his now empty glass both Minho and Seungmin are looking at him.
Felix gives them a surprised look.
"Hungry? You've been starring at the food for a while now"
Seungmin exclaims with a grin.
Felix quickly shakes his head.
"Ah, no not really. Just got lost in thoughts I guess."
He nervously scratches his head and excuses himself with a small nod, making his way to the bedroom he shared with Changbin.
Exhausted he let's himself fall on his bed.
He's starring at the ceiling for a good while, countless thoughts rushing through his head.
After a deep exhale he closes his eyes, hoping to fall asleep before dinner would be ready.
☆
